And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
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