2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
