Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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