all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
