Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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