It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Quick, to the slutcave!
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
