Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
