You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
