Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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