Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
is wine microwaveable?
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
