if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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