I'm sorry my penis didn't work
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
