this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
