Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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