Say something about gay babies.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
