I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
