Too much gin, very little bucket
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
