I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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