Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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