I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
