I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
