Apparently you make a good broom.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
