Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
