roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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