im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
