Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
