I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
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I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
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I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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