Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
PANTIES FOUND
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
