Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
