She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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