Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
