If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
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