We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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