a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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