Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
