so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
She bit a glass in half.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
