Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
