Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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