I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
