I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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