Porn is love you can see.
Please, let me fuck your mom
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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