Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize