Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
