420 ftw
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
