Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize