can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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