thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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