Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
