No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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