He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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