dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
