Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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