Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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