So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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