It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
