I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
