Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
