Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
