I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i will never coherently bang her
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
