dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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