I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
