I'm jealous of your bromance
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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