I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
