I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
