this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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