I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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