I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
