I think my fart just growled at me.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
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Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
They have beer where we have blood.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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