I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
