I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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