3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
