Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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