I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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